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*--* Qmodem Session Capture File *--* *--* Qmodem Capture File 12/09/88 15:21:36 *--* = From: Leslie Simmons To: All Msg #2, 04-Dec-88 00:36cst Subject: poem a man is not a man, until he makes one,and even then he's NOT --- * Origin: Enterprise {Where No Man Has Woc'd Before} (Opus 1:150/401) From: Londini To: Sean Reifschneider Msg #3, 04-Dec-88 14:27cst Subject: Re: Today's Smile but all the fun is in offending and ethnic so a joke would be wasted if you made fun of ethnics. - A rope walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a beer. the bartender said ,"are you a rope?" the rope answered yes and the bartender told him that he would have to leave since they don't serve ropes in this bar. The rope left and stood on the street outside. A second rope came up and started to go in the bar. the first rope said don't go in!, they don't serve ropes in there. the second rope said , "don't be ridiculous"! so he went in and ordered a beer. the bartender askedif he was a rope. the rope answered yes and the bartender said that he would have to leave cause they didn"t serve ropes. the first rope said ,"see?". they were both standing there when a third rope came along. the two ropes said,"You can't go in there!". "why not?" asked the third rope. "Because they don't serve ropes in there." Watch this said the third rope. he tied him self up in a knot and messed up the top of himself and went in and ordered a beer. The bartender said, "Are you a rope?" The rope answered, "Nope, I'm afraid not." --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: MIDI THRU BBS 301-384-0351. (1:109/755) *** There is a reply. See #126. From: Londini To: Julie Rhodes Msg #4, 04-Dec-88 14:47cst Subject: Re: Unloading... how many dead babies fit in a telephone booth? . . . . 1000, how do you get them out? . . . .. with a straw. --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: MIDI THRU BBS 301-384-0351. (1:109/755) From: Gregg Stanley To: Gene Schoepp Msg #5, 04-Dec-88 19:08cst Subject: Health What is the difference between anal and oral thermometers? The taste. --- * Origin: Orac of CS/b (Opus 1:117/302) From: Robert Ezell To: Ron Sasson Msg #6, 04-Dec-88 22:11cst Subject: Re: JOKE Thats supposed to be "Eat at the 'Y'"... --- * Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6) *** There is a reply. See #39. From: Robert Ezell To: All Msg #7, 04-Dec-88 22:13cst Subject: Oj Q. Whats the nicest 4 letter word??? A. "OOOH"!!!! --- * Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6) *** There is a reply. See #13. From: Eben Holiday To: Sean Reifschneider Msg #8, 04-Dec-88 03:32cst Subject: Re: Jesus Hey buddy, are you saved, or what? Don't you know that if you make fun of Jesus, and reject his gift of eternal life, you're gonna burn? Follow the Way, man, and give your life to the one who died for you. --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: The Asylum - Your Home For Insanity & Fun! 918-832-1462 (1:170/222) *** There is a reply. See #20. From: John Tod To: Leonard Levin Msg #9, 04-Dec-88 13:57cst Subject: Re: Boot camp The Station Warrant Officer calls the Staff Sergeant in and informs him that Private Smith's mother has just died and to tell him the sad news. The Sergeant gets all the men lined up outside and says: "Just a short announcement. Private Smith, your mother is dead." Of course the man was overcome with grief and collapsed on the parade square. The SWO heard the news and instantly called the Sergeant to the office. He told the Sergeant to use a little more tact when telling someone bad news. He told him that Private Jone's father had just passed away and to tell him. The Sergeant lined all the troops up again and asked: "Everyone whose father is living, take one step forward!! Where are you going Jones!!" --- * Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa (Opus 1:163/114) *** There is a reply. See #128. From: John Tod To: Dave Hague Msg #10, 04-Dec-88 14:03cst Subject: Re: Polish to go There was a salesman who was trying to sell a house to this young couple. As he was walking them through the house, he would open a window every so often and yell "Green side up!!". This kept on for quite a while until the couple asked him why he was yelling out the window "Green side up". I got a bunch of Pollocks out there laying sod, the salesman said!!! --- * Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa (Opus 1:163/114) From: John Tod To: Fran Mchugh Msg #11, 04-Dec-88 14:12cst Subject: Re: RE: A Riddle What is orange and sleeps six?? A city maintainance truck!!! (at least they are orange in this city) --- * Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa (Opus 1:163/114) From: John Tod To: Bill Sullivan Msg #12, 04-Dec-88 14:14cst Subject: Re: Frog > Whats green and smells like pork? > KERMITS Middle finger. > > Whats brown and smells like ginger??? Fred Estaires face!! --- * Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa (Opus 1:163/114) From: John Tod To: Jason Ornstein Msg #13, 04-Dec-88 14:15cst Subject: Re: oj Why do elephants have red eyes?? To hide in cherry trees!! Ever see an elephant in a cherry tree?? Good hiders, heh?? What do you find between an elephants toes?? Slow natives!! --- * Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa (Opus 1:163/114) *** Part of a conversation. From: John Tod To: Mike Kuhn Msg #14, 04-Dec-88 14:30cst Subject: Re: Ugg... How do you know if you had a good time at the party last night?? You wake up with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out of your mouth and a smiling women in the bed with you!! --- * Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa (Opus 1:163/114) *** There is a reply. See #106. From: John Tod To: Michael Kortsen Msg #15, 04-Dec-88 14:33cst Subject: Newfie woodstove Did you here about the Newfoundland woodstove?? Its gauranteed to burn for 20 minutes. --- * Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa (Opus 1:163/114) *** There is a reply. See #42. From: John Tod To: Troy Terew Msg #16, 04-Dec-88 14:37cst Subject: Re: rabbits > > > You've heard that people who masturbate tend to go blind > and their hands fall off... A little boy was caught masturbating by his father. His father told him he would go blind if he kept doing that. The little boy asked if he could keep doing it only until he needed glasses!! --- * Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa (Opus 1:163/114) *** There is a reply. See #129. From: John Tod To: Ron Bates Msg #17, 04-Dec-88 14:39cst Subject: Re: Travel News.. I never fly. I think someone is nuts to trust their life to a machine that is made of 100,000 parts all supplied by the lowest bidder!! hahahaha --- * Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa (Opus 1:163/114) From: Areef Ishani To: All Msg #18, 04-Dec-88 15:19cst Subject: fun things Question : How are soya bean burgers and dildos alike?Question: What Answer: They're both meat substitutes. --- ConfMail V4.00 * Origin: =The Aviation BBS= "AIRMAIL" Toronto, Ont 416-444-2028 (1:229/3) From: Jeff Maziarz To: The Penguin Msg #19, 04-Dec-88 19:15cst Subject: Re: hahahahahahaha A zen master is a master in Zen (as if you couldn't have guessed). Basically, in Zen, you clear your mind of everyting, so that when you look at things you asign no interpretation to it what-so-ever. When you have acheved this, you can gain an intant, intuitive insight in to things. For exemple, If you ask a Zen master what Zen is, he might say "It is the cloud in the sky and the bird in the bush!" Anyone want to expand or comment? O.J. Mommy mommy, I don't like tomato soup! Shut up and eat it, you only get it once a month! --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: MY HOUSE BBS - Salem, NH (603)898-2349 {300-9600 HST Baud } (1:132/12 *** There is a reply. See #34. From: A Wiser One To: Craig Pfeifer Msg #20, 04-Dec-88 21:04cst Subject: Re: Jesus You have no idea what you're talking about Dip-----! First of all, it's Jehovah. Take the time to look it up in the Dictionary, if you have one. And, they don't have temples in which they worship or pray. Or should that be, prey ? The fact is that they will not participate in a prayer led by anyone that believes differently then they do. And by inviting them in, they may stay. --- * Origin: PC Solutions Sac CA 310MB HST (916)726-4272 485-2874 (Opus 1:203/66) *** Part of a conversation. From: Eric Larson To: Bryan Ackermann Msg #21, 04-Dec-88 20:33cst Subject: Far Side Replacements BA=> Now that Berke Breathed is on a two-year vacation from Far Side, my BA=> local college paper has replaced the strip with a second-rate, Far BA=> Side imitation. I know some papers are running Far Side reruns. Only one problem with this, Berke Breathed is the author of Bloom County. Gary Larson pens The Far Side..... Too bad it's not a closer relation... --- msged 1.943S ZTC * Origin: Shockwave Rider, *Mac Support*, 315-673-4894 HST (1:260/330) *** There is a reply. See #31. From: Patty Pickett To: All Msg #22, 04-Dec-88 15:00cst Subject: Chicken..... Anyone know why the chicken REALLY crossed the road? Answer: To prove to the armadillo that it could be done! --- * Origin: Dawn Patrol "Net 380 Host/Echo Coordinator at 9600 HST" (Opus 1:380/4) From: Sean Reifschneider To: Kevin Murphy Msg #23, 04-Dec-88 05:43cst Subject: Re: Steven Wright I named my dog "Stay". So when I call him I say "Come here, Stay. Come Here, Stay". He used to get all confused. Now he just ignores me and keeps on typing. I trried to open my house with my car key, and it started up. So I took it for a ride around the block. I got pulled over, and the cop asked me where I lived. I said "Right here." I have a scale map of the world. Whenever somone askes me where I live, I tell them "E-5". Sean --- * Origin: Forbidden Planet II,WOC'n RiverCity Austin TX! (Opus 1:382/10) From: Ha Ha To: Tony Criswell Msg #24, 04-Dec-88 17:20cst Subject: Re: Golf jokes That was a good one! --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: C.S.C. Is Humorous Now. Har Har Har Net/Node (1:116/31) *** There is a reply. See #85. From: Robert Ezell To: All Msg #25, 05-Dec-88 15:52cst Subject: OJ Q. When do you know the relationship has leveled off??? A. When you start thinking about food!!!! --- * Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6) *** Part of a conversation. From: Robert Ezell To: All Msg #26, 05-Dec-88 15:53cst Subject: OJ Q. Whats 24 women in a box??? A. A case of Schlizt!!!! /s --- * Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6) *** Part of a conversation. From: Max Hempel To: All Msg #27, 05-Dec-88 20:32cst Subject: jokes Whats short and red and crawls up on a womans leg? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A home sick abortion! hahahahah!! --- ConfMail V3.31 * Origin: <*> M A X 'S 304 <*> (817)924-5458 (1:130/35.1110) *** There is a reply. See #28. From: Max Hempel To: All Msg #28, 05-Dec-88 20:35cst Subject: jokes These two guys have a case of diarea, one of them asks the other one if he wants to go get a couple of girls to go out on a date. The other says "Well, I have a case of diarea." and the other one says "well, bring it along, well drink it!" hahaha --- ConfMail V3.31 * Origin: <*> M A X 'S 304 <*> (817)924-5458 (1:130/35.1110) *** Part of a conversation. From: Astoroth Of 141/222 To: John Tod Msg #29, 05-Dec-88 02:34cst Subject: Italian tires I bet dago uphill, dago downhill, and when dago flat dago "wop" "wop" "wop". By the way, have you heard of the new Jewish tires? They're called Firestiens, they not only stop on a dime.. They pick it up! \ --- AIBBS v2.25 --- ConfMail V3.31 * Origin: Excelsior AIBBS - Monroe CT 203-268-1222 [300/1200/2400] (1:141/222) From: Bob Rakov To: Gene R. Lowry @ 902/1 Msg #30, 04-Dec-88 21:24cst Subject: Lucas > I have a buddy that drives a British auto, he has problems with the > electrical system. He blames Lucas (the Prince of darkness). As the former owner of a Triumph Bonneville motorcycle,MABOS ≡4 $!"#$%&'()*+ε-./0123456789:; @ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ[\] _`abcdefghijklmnopq st vwxyz{|}~ üéâäàåçêëèïîìÄ ÉæÆôöòûùÿÖÜ¢£¥₧ƒáíóúñѪº¿⌐¬½¼ «»░▒▓ ┤╡╢╖╕ ║╗╝ ╛┐└┴┬├─┼╞╟╚╔ ╦╠═╬╧╨╤╥╙ ╒╓╫╪ ┌█▄▌▐▀αßΓπΣσ τΦΘΩδ∞φ ∩#±≥≤⌠⌡÷≈°∙·√ⁿ²■ dget MHª C }1¼ empreimb h1» budget EH▓ C }1╕ epospaex 1╗ budget EH╛ C }1─ epospain 1╟ budget H╩ C }1╨ eposreex D1╙ budget H╓ C }1▄ eposrein o1▀ budget oHΓ C }1Φ eprepaex f1δ budget lHε C }1⌠ eprepain r1≈ budget vH· C }1 eprereex 1 budget H C } 1 eprerein v1 budget dH C }1 fica C1 budget iH C }1$ ficasp 1' budget tH* C } - g¬@10 fothexp 13 budget bH6 C }1< fothinc 1? budget 8HB C e} e}3 ï1H fydata d1K budget HN C }1T fyend 1W budget nHZ C e}<v1` irakeogh P1c budget %Hf C } i 1l liraksp 1o budget sHr C e} e}3 t1x llbal 1{ budget iH~ C e}W>1ä lself 1ç budget tHè C e}═1É lselfsp 1ô budget lHû C e} e}3 ?1£ lwith 1ƒ budget uHó C e} σ Ñ IßzÄ0┼@1¿ misccred S1½ budget H« C }1┤ mortbal 1╖ budget NH║ C e}W ╜ kgrpF A1└ movanlin 61├ budget tH╞ C }1╠ movpre v1╧ budget )H╥ C }1╪ movreimb m1█ budget yH▐ C }1Σ movsell 1τ budget HΩ C }1≡ othadjs 1≤ budget nH÷ ê C }1ⁿ othbal o1 budget rH C e}W?1 othinc d1 budget yH `φ C } AZPHO Phoenix, Arizona 11-13-8808:068N2 E CAGLE Glendale, California 10-15-8822:148N2 B CALAN Los Angeles, California 11-04-8818:148N2 : CAOAK Oakland, California 00-00-0000:008N2 CAPAL Palo Alto, California 00-00-0000:008N2 CARIV Riverside, California 00-00-0000:008N2 CASAD San Diego, California 00-00-0000:008N2 CASAN Santa Anna, California 00-00-0000:008N2 CASFA San Francisco, California 00-00-0000:008N2 CASJO San Jose, California 00-00-0000:008N2 CODEN # Denver, Colorado 00-00-0000:008N2 CODEN Denver, Colorado 00-00-0000:008N2 CTHAR Hartford, Connecticut 08-27-8819:118N2 DCWAS # Washington, D.C. 09-24-8800:008N2. X d DCWAS Washington, D.C. 08-30-8821:168N2 FLMIA Miami, Florida 08-27-8820:428N2 FLTAM Tampa, Florida 00-00-0000:008N2 GAATL # Atlanta, Georgia 01-01-8019:268N2 ILCHI Chicago, Illinois 00-00-0000:008N2 MABOS Bos Mass 09-30-8822:597E2 MABOS # Boston , Mass. 12-04-8821:058N2] r " ] MIDET # Detroit, Michigan 10-09-8800:148N2 " MNMIN Minneapolis, Minnesota 00-00-0000:008N2 MOKCI Kansas City, Missouri 00-00-0000:008N2 MOSLO St. Louis, Missouri 00-00-0000:008N2 NCRTP Research Triangle Park, N.C. 00-00-0000:008N2 NJNEW # Newark, New Jersey 11-04-8818:478N2 NJNEW New Jersey 08-21-8820:117E2 NYNYO # New York , New York 11-25-8820:478N2 ⌠ OHCLV Cleveland, Ohio 08-18-8820:408N2 ORPOR Portland, Oregon 00-00-0000:008N2 PAPHI # Philedelphia, Penn. 08-19-8819:538N2 PURSUIT * The Net Exchange 08-17-8819:578N2 . . . TXDAL Dallas, Texas 08-25-8820:468N2 ï TXDAL # Dallas, Texas 11-19-8821:227E2 ç TXHOU # Houston, Texas 10-07-8821:078N2 ▓ UTSLC Salt Lake City, Utah 00-00-0000:008N2 WASEA # Seattle, Washington 00-00-0000:008N2 WIMIL Milwuakee, Wisconsin 00-00-0000:008N2 10-07-8821:078N2 ▓ UTSLC Salt Lake City, Utah 00-00-0000:008N2 WASEA ous Expense Not a Tax Category 11/27/88 Tom Thumb Page 73.60 1646 Bedford N.B. 191-015-9 -73.60 Groceries Expense Not a Tax Category 11/28/88 Sears 60.00 1630 Bedford N.B. 191-015-9 -60.00 Clothing Expense Not a Tax Category 11/28/88 Macy's South 54.00 1631 Bedford N.B. 191-015-9 -54.00 Clothing Expense Not a Tax Category 11/28/88 GEICO Finanical Services 245.85 1632 Bedford N.B. 191-015-9 -245.85 Loan - G.E.F.C.I. Expense Not a Tax Category 11/28/88 Albertson's 11. I can surely identify with that. OJ Why is Alabama such a good place to hunt elephants? . . . . . . . . Because the that's where the Tuscaloosa. --- QM v0.17 * Origin: The Second Opinion - Pgh, PA *HST* (412) 826-0822 (1:129/31.0) From: Tom Etheridge To: Bryan Ackermann Msg #31, 04-Dec-88 16:26cst Subject: Re: Far Side Replacements -> Now that Berke Breathed is on a two-year vacation from Far -> Side, my local college paper has replaced the strip with a -> second-rate, Far Side imitation. I know some papers are -> running Far Side reruns. Berke Breathed is Bloom County, Gary Larson is the Far Side. The second best single panel comic is Guindon. The humor is dry, much of it is about Michigan and its great! --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: The Cook County Board, Chicago, IL <312-743-4532> (1:115/743) *** Part of a conversation. From: Kristin Burns To: All Msg #32, 06-Dec-88 04:07cst Subject: Boston There once was a man from Boston Who bought himself an Austin He had room for his ass And a gallon of gas But his balls hung out and he lost 'em --- ConfMail V3.31 * Origin: ROBOCODER BBS (1:147/42) From: Will Sutter To: All Msg #33, 06-Dec-88 11:39cst Subject: football again OSU football team went on strike after returning from Japan. Reason is they heard that the OU team got steroids-OSU players just got Sony Walkmens. --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: Recovery I, Okc, Ok *_Wildcat!_R_Us!_ * 405-691-3437 * (1:147/37) From: Lynne Miller To: Jeff Maziarz Msg #34, 05-Dec-88 13:50cst Subject: Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA every now and zen someone's karma runs over a dogma. --- TBBS v2.0 * Origin: Alert Data Multiline TBBS, QNX is Quick, Fast, Multi-task (151/5) *** Part of a conversation. From: Tom Brown To: Dave Mitchell Msg #35, 05-Dec-88 21:26cst Subject: How about writing several jokes on one message so we don't have to read all the paths on every joke. What's 12" long and white? Does French Bread count as white? --- ConfMail V4.00 * Origin: Morningstar BBS - Rene's Bawdy House - Silver Spring, Md (301)946-3431 (1:109/752) From: Bill Evans To: Patrick Townson,othur Bright Msg #36, 05-Dec-88 18:22cst Subject: reply to your reply to ... If I might adress you two. . . guys, this is a humor conference. If you wish to debate religion, please do so in an appropriate forum (I'd even like to participate, because I believe strongly in this book which you have labelled as "largely x-rated" and feel that you are distorting the record to make your point --- I sometimes exercise in hyperbole myself.) Be that as it may, I feel that true bigotry, be it anti-gay, anti-atheist, anti-christian, or anti-anything that is based on ill-informed prejudice is wrong. That is not, as I see it, what this conference is about. People make fun of others, sometimes in an offensive way here. But I would not participate if I really felt that the folks who tell "fat" jokes had a personal vendetta against my rotundity. And so it goes. Just in case, I have seen on a couple of bbs's a file called "ettiquet.txt" which basically gives guidelines on how to behave in a conference. Please read it and take it to heart. It makes this a funnier place for everyone involved. Lighten up! . . . o.j. : Man is playing golf and having a terrible day. He comes to a long par 3 over water, and says to himself, " I better get out an old ball, because I hate to lose this new one." He reaches into the bag, gets the old ball, and places it on the tee. In the middle of his backswing, a booming voice from heaven says, "HIT THE NEW BALL!" The guy shrugs, tees up the new ball, and starts to swing. The voice booms, "TAKE A PRACTICE SWING!" So, the guy obliges. He addresses the ball, starts to swing, and again, right in the middle of the backswing, the voice booms out. . . . . . "HIT THE OLD BALL!!!!!!!!" :) "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you haven't checked your answering service." (B.J. Honecutt, MASH) Later, all. p.s. thanks for the golf jokes, everyone. keep'em coming! --- * Origin: Cross-Fire BBS -- Columbus, Ohio (614) 294-5216 (Opus 1:226/170) *** There is a reply. See #66. From: Ed Skibinski To: Mike Copeland Msg #37, 04-Dec-88 21:58cst Subject: Re: GASMS All right, I'll bite. How about.............. Mother Theresa has multiple poor-gasms Pavoracci has tenor-gasms Lee Ioccoca has foor door -gasms Pro golfers have fore-gasms Any more would ruin my reputation, so I'll quit while I'm ahead. --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: Nirvana 'Absolute Felicity' - (416)336-0075 (1:148/252) From: Ed Skibinski To: Dave Mitchell Msg #38, 04-Dec-88 22:11cst Subject: Re: As if you hadn't enough jokes? Another derogatory female joke...........................................Why did God create women? Because sheep can't type. --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: Nirvana 'Absolute Felicity' - (416)336-0075 (1:148/252) From: Dave Smith To: All Msg #39, 04-Dec-88 09:48cst Subject: Joke Three old friends diecided to have a reunion.. They had not seen each other for almost 20 years. Twoo of the guys were waiting at the appointed location when a womann came up and introduced herself as Roberta, fformerly their old friend Bob. She told them all about how she had alwways felt more like a women, but never told them because she valued their friendship too much to risk it,and that she had gone ahead and had the operation a few years before. The two guys were shocked but sympathetic. Onne said "It must have been very painful" "Yes it was" she replied. "what was the worst part?" the guy asked.."I'll bet the worst part was when they cut your testicles off" "No, that wasn't thee worst part" "I'll bet the worst part was when they cut your penis off"the guy said. " No, that wasn't it" she replied "I think what really hurt the most was going back to the same job for half the money" --- * Origin: The Packet Inn BBS (Opus 1:148/368) *** Part of a conversation. From: Greg Martin To: Major Havoc Msg #40, 04-Dec-88 10:30cst Subject: Re: Jokes Miami!! Wow.. this is the first time i have ever used echo before... I have a joke .. What does a cub have to do before he can become a boyscott. A: He has to eat his first brownie! TTYL -*-Greg-*- --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: Zeus II - WC!/Bink/QBBS - Fonthill, Ont., CANADA (1:148/364) *** Part of a conversation. From: Kevin Murphy To: All Msg #41, 04-Dec-88 00:10cst Subject: Wh'dappend? Hmmmmm.... All the messages are gone.. OJ Why did the kinky pimp cross the road? Because his dick was caught in the chicken!! ] ha hah hah.. ha ..... ahem.. oh --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: Beaker's Beacon (1:115/212) From: Jeff Maziarz To: John Tod Msg #42, 05-Dec-88 23:43cst Subject: Re: Newfie woodstove Did you hear about the new German microwave? It seats four. --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: MY HOUSE BBS - Salem, NH (603)898-2349 {300-9600 HST Baud } (1:132/12 *** This is a reply to #15. From: Nick Cleveland To: All Msg #43, 05-Dec-88 21:18cst Subject: light bulb! How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb? 10! (1 to screw it in and 9 to share the expierence) heheh --- ConfMail V3.31 * Origin: ####### NORTHWAY * (508) 393-5346 ####### (1:322/540) From: Mike Bowen To: Eben Holiday Msg #44, 05-Dec-88 22:59cst Subject: Re: Jesus > Hey buddy, are you saved, or what? > Don't you know that if you make fun > of Jesus, and reject his gift of eternal life, you're gonna > burn? Jesus Saves -- but I don't. The interest is just too low to make it worthwhile. --- * Origin: EQUAL:Computers & the Disabled--Raleigh-NC (919) 851-6806 (Opus 1:151/101) *** Part of a conversation. From: James Garrett To: Long Dang Msg #45, 04-Dec-88 12:01cst Subject: Re: JOKE THAT'S MY JOKE!! I WAS THE FIRST TO POST IT. Be original! --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: LANStar <HST> Humor "WOC-a WOC-a WOC-a" 417-673-BAUD (1:286/703) *** Part of a conversation. From: James Garrett To: Linda Timmons Msg #46, 04-Dec-88 12:09cst Subject: Re: Medical Terminology Computer termonology: IBM: Imence Bullshit Maker. COCO: I'm talking about computers. AMIGA: Amazingly Massive Imence Garbadge Acumulator. APPLE: A Plastic Pile of Loapord Embulims I know that sucked, but hey! --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: LANStar <HST> Humor "WOC-a WOC-a WOC-a" 417-673-BAUD (1:286/703) *** There is a reply. See #84. From: James Garrett To: Dan Schor Msg #47, 04-Dec-88 12:11cst Subject: Re: ? I quite agree. That was one of the best thought out messages that I have ever seen. It was a very precise message also. Got right to the point. --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: LANStar <HST> Humor "WOC-a WOC-a WOC-a" 417-673-BAUD (1:286/703) *** There is a reply. See #82. From: James Garrett To: Vivarto Veet Msg #48, 04-Dec-88 12:33cst Subject: Fags That's my joke. Can't you people be original? OJ. There was this German, Polock, and a Niger on an air plane. Theywere flying along and the captain called them all up to the front. He told them that one of the planes engins had quit. The plain was lossing altitude, and he said that one of them would have to jump to save the rest of the plain. He said "Do I have any Volinteres All of the guys said NO WAY!! (By the way. There are no parachutes). So the piolot said,"So you guys thing that you are pretty smart don't ya?" Thay all said ya. He said, "Well, I'm gonna ask you alll a question. If you answer it correctly, you don't have to jump". They all agreed. So this piolot, who is kinda prejudice anyway, looked at the German and said, "What was the worst water disaster ever in American history?" The German starts shakin and sweatin'. He finally says, "The sinking of the Titanic." The piolot says "right". He looks at the Polok and says,"Now, how many people were on the ship when it sank?" The polok starts Sweatin' and shiverin' and after about five min. of calculating he finally says,"2846". The piolot is astounded. He says"that's right. Amazing." Then he looks at the Black man and says, "Alright. Name 'em Niger!" --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: LANStar <HST> Humor "WOC-a WOC-a WOC-a" 417-673-BAUD (1:286/703) From: Chance Hester To: The Hood Msg #49, 04-Dec-88 16:25cst Subject: MERP How many FRG'ers did it take to screw in a light bulb? none, light bulbs were not around then.... have you ever played Chivelry and Sorcery? by far one of the best... (I like MERP too) C Chance --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: LANStar <HST> Humor "WOC-a WOC-a WOC-a" 417-673-BAUD (1:286/703) From: James Garrett To: All Msg #50, 04-Dec-88 20:05cst Subject: oxygen Here's one I JUST heard!! On the radio that is!! Why is air alot like sex? Cause it's no big deal unless your not getting any!! I thought that it was pretty funny my self! Would someone please reply to this message!! I'm gettin' tired of login' on and not finding any new messages addressed to me!!!!!!!!!!! --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: LANStar <HST> Humor "WOC-a WOC-a WOC-a" 417-673-BAUD (1:286/703) *** There is a reply. See #99. From: James Garrett To: BAB Msg #51, 04-Dec-88 20:25cst Subject: Re: WHAT A NEWFIE |||| |||| |||| / || / / || / // EAT ME RAW!!!!!! // / || / / || / |||| |||| |||| --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: LANStar <HST> Humor "WOC-a WOC-a WOC-a" 417-673-BAUD (1:286/703) From: James Garrett To: Max Bedroom Msg #52, 04-Dec-88 20:32cst Subject: Re: Joke To hell with the mountains, let me see your bush!!!!!! --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: LANStar <HST> Humor "WOC-a WOC-a WOC-a" 417-673-BAUD (1:286/703) *** Part of a conversation. From: Eric Kornberg To: All Users Msg #53, 04-Dec-88 11:57cst Subject: Jyokyes A blind man and his dog go into the supermarket and then the blind man takes his dog by the collar and starts to swing him around over his head, knocking things off the shelves. The manager comes up to the blind man and asks "excuse me sir, can I help you?" the blind man answers "no thanks, I'm just looking around". #2 Did you hear about the house the lesbians built? (no) They didn't use any nails! (really?) Yeah, it was all tounge in groove! #3 How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. But the lightbulb has to WANT to change! That's all folks! --- ConfMail V3.31 * Origin: The Omega Quadrant - WOCing with Binkley - 503-659-7977 (1:105/209) From: Hans Lotzkat To: Robert Ezell Msg #54, 04-Dec-88 23:34cst Subject: Re: OJ Did you see the new Vietnamise cookbook? 100 ways to wok your dog. --- * Origin: XEROX Service Centre, Sask. (306) 652-8088 (Opus 1:140/33) *** Part of a conversation. From: Patrick Cody To: Anybody Msg #55, 04-Dec-88 17:25cst Subject: Crude, Rude and Socially Unacceptable A quick in-and-out: There was a young hermit named Dave Who kept a dead whore in his cave. "I know it's a sin," He said with a grin, "But think of the money I save!" Wegone --- * Origin: Awakening BBS 206-582-5579 *HST (Opus 1:138/102) From: Tim Evans To: all Msg #56, 04-Dec-88 16:11cst Subject: Dan Quayle Dan Quayle is soooo dumb, that he thinks: that the B1 bomber is a multivitamin that glasnost is a window cleaner that the F-14 is one of his grades in law school that Roe vs Wade is a crew regatta. What would the best thing if Dan Quayle was president? He couldn't pick himself for vice-president! --- Sirius 0.50 * Origin: Get the Point? Tacoma, Wa (1:138/102.1) From: Tim Evans To: Dave Mitchell Msg #57, 04-Dec-88 22:22cst Subject: Re: Nantucket > Let me know if you wanna hear about the guy from Peru. Just don't tell us about Cas :-) --- Sirius 0.50 * Origin: Get the Point? Tacoma, Wa (1:138/102.1) *** There is a reply. See #115. From: tim evans To: Joe Cinocca Msg #58, 04-Dec-88 22:34cst Subject: Re: jokes Whats the difference between Joe Cinocca & a bucket of shit? The bucket! --- Sirius 0.50 * Origin: Get the Point? Tacoma, Wa (1:138/102.1) *** Part of a conversation. From: Jan Travis To: All Msg #59, 04-Dec-88 11:21cst Subject: Dear Baby Jesus There was this good little Italian boy who had always been taught that if you were good and prayed to Baby Jesus he would answer your prayers. Well he had been wanting a 10 speed bike for a long time so he sat down at a desk and started his letter to Baby Jesus. Dear Baby Jesus, I would really like to have a ten speed bike and if you bring me a ten speed bike I'll be really good for a month He stopped and thought, "you know a month is really a long time, so he threw the letter away and started again Dear Baby Jesus, I would really like to have a ten speed bike and if you bring me a ten speed bike I'll be really good for a week..... He once again stopped and thought....Johnny birthday party was in a couple days and he didn't think he could be good that long. As he sat and scratched his head, he looked up and saw the statues of Baby Jesus and Mary and had a great idea. He reached up and took the statue of Mary and stuck in the desk draw and began his letter again.... Dear Baby Jesus, If you ever want to see your mother again.................. --- * Origin: ==> Dits & Bits <-HST-> (719)-637-1375 <===> (Opus 1:128/35) From: Tony Criswell To: Julie Rhodes Msg #60, 04-Dec-88 14:55cst Subject: OK => Alright, I know how Superman (you should have said "Boy that Clark => Kent", by the way, it's more interesting) did it, but how did the Jewish => guy do it???? => Hint: Remember a Jewish guy named Jesus...supposed to be good a miracles. --- ConfMail V3.31 * Origin: LSO QuickBBS, Everett WA, 206/334-3088 (1:344/117.7) From: Ron Bemis To: All Msg #61, 07-Dec-88 07:32cst Subject: Pearl Harbor Day A PEARL HARBOR CAROL 'Twas the eve before Pearl Harbor and all through the earth Not a creature was stirring not even a rat. The A-bombs were hung by the chimney with care! In hopes that MacArthur soon would be there. The bombers were huddled all snug in their hangers With visions of destruction put in by their planners. While the earth in her torture and God in his sorrow Had just settled down for a look at tomorrow. The sight they beheld was gruesome indeed For all they had nurtured was gone just for greed. Each man wanted more than was given to him And stopped at nothing to answer this whim. They swept over the land taking all they could get And though they had much they were not happy yet So they turned from the land and onto each other Each man for himself to hell with your brother! Then the nations let loose all their "needed protection" Till all that was left was just total destruction. The earth had been bled to the point beyond all And so from existence this plannet did fall. God sat all alone now His works were all gone And so now was He for He lived in each dawn. Just what really happened to the last signs of man Might be best said in saying that they went with the land. Yes, 'twas the eve before Pearl Harbor and all through the earth Not a creature was living not even a rat. -Ron --- Msg V3.2 * Origin: Nibbles & Bytes - Dallas, Texas - 214-231-3841 (1:124/113) From: Ron Lauzon To: Dana Quinn Msg #62, 06-Dec-88 17:32cst Subject: Re: Christmas cookies I heard a simular one: A kid was playing with his BB gun without permission. When he saw his dad comming the kid put the gun back but still had a handfull of BBs left. The kid, panicking, put the BBs into a pot of backed beans on the stove. Later that day, his mom served the beans to her bridge club. About two hours later the mom got a call from one of her friends. "I don't know what you put into those beans," she said. "But when I got home I farted and shot the cat." --- Via OpXpress V1.03ß * Origin: Southern Crossroads PEP and HST (1:124/4115.0) From: Richard Warwick To: All Msg #63, 03-Dec-88 18:18cst Subject: generic ethnic joke did you hear the one about the 3 ethnics pushing the house down the street? ... they were trying to start the furnace. --- * Origin: National Emporium - St Charles, MO (314-926-8310) (Opus 1:100/611) From: Alex Hsu To: All Msg #64, 06-Dec-88 15:41cst Subject: jewish joke What do you call a Jewish stud? Shepherd. --- * Origin: Mover Mouse (Opus/Bink/Hst of Marin,CA) 415-883-1644 (Opus 1:161/7) From: Jim Kramer To: Sean Votier Msg #65, 05-Dec-88 10:21cst Subject: JOKE THAT was funny! SICK! But funny! --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: THE ARCHIVES BBS (407)894-3821 Orlando, Fla. (1:363/504) *** Part of a conversation. From: Dwain Pattillo To: Bill Evans Msg #66, 08-Dec-88 00:53cst Subject: Re: reply to your reply to ... A golfer was about to hit his shot from the rough when a booming voice said "DON"T HIT THAT BALL"..... He stood there dazzed and said "Who said that", looking around to see if he could find them. "This is Mother Nature" the voice said, "that ball is laying in my butter-cups, and if you hit the ball it will kill them". The golfer said "I'm sorry but I have to play the ball where it is!". Mother Nature said "well if you just kick it away from my butter-cups, I will give you all the butter you want". The golfer thought for a second and then hit this ball, saying "Where were you when I was in the Pussy-Willows" --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: Electric Dreams, Okc, Ok * Wildcat * 405-769-5226 * (1:147/50) *** This is a reply to #36. From: Paul Csomo To: Fraser Anderson Msg #67, 04-Dec-88 10:07cst Subject: Re: Wright...... Go out and buy a Steven Wright tape at your nearest recore store, and you'll definitely see just who he is! Another Steven Wright quote: 'My birth certificate has an expiration date on it.' 'I live on a median. It's a nice grassy area. The only problem with it is I have to be going 65 mph when I get out of my driveway.' 'I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now he's gone.' --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: Trail-T * Naples FL 813-262-2755 (1:378/9) *** There is a reply. See #98. From: John Grove To: All Msg #68, 06-Dec-88 16:02cst Subject: Bumpersnicker Tired of "Lifes a bitch" ? Try this one: . CAUTION - I drive like you do! --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: The Beach Board (Ft Myers Bch FL) HST QBBS DBridge (1:371/1) From: PREJUDICE PIG To: K9 Of 141/222 Msg #69, 05-Dec-88 17:10cst Subject: Re: SHUT UP!! How the Fu*k do you pronounce that? HSU? PREJUDCE PIG --- * Origin: TeleTalk: Farmington, Ct, USA *HST*(203)674-1802(142/0) (Opus 1:142/328) From: Tom Brown To: Robert Green Msg #70, 06-Dec-88 13:14cst Subject: Re: Knock Knock boo hoo? --- ConfMail V4.00 * Origin: Morningstar BBS - Rene's Bawdy House - Silver Spring, Md (301)946-3431 (1:109/752) From: Tom Brown To: Jeff Ledger Msg #71, 07-Dec-88 00:07cst Subject: Re: jokes i thut de right spelling iz BIGGEST --- ConfMail V4.00 * Origin: Morningstar BBS - Rene's Bawdy House - Silver Spring, Md (301)946-3431 (1:109/752) *** Part of a conversation. From: Matt Hartley To: Craig Pfeifer Msg #72, 05-Dec-88 15:28cst Subject: Re: JOHNNY JOHNNY JOKES... Oh my Gawd..........(blam blam blam head meets wooden table) A norwegian is driving through the Sahara desert... suddenly he sees a young arab lying in the sand, naked, arms and legs tied up. the arab explains that he met a band of bandits that tokk all his possessions, raped him from behind one by one, and left him here to die. " Sorry ", the norwegian says and unzips his fly, " it's not your day today..." --- TBBS v2.0 * Origin: FINAL FRONTIER - 5 LINES, 230 meg ON-LINE (301) 947-4404 (261/1007) From: Matt Hartley To: Matt Roberts Msg #73, 05-Dec-88 15:30cst Subject: Re: THIS BBS That wasn't funny........ --- TBBS v2.0 * Origin: FINAL FRONTIER - 5 LINES, 230 meg ON-LINE (301) 947-4404 (261/1007) From: Steve M To: Dave Hague Msg #74, 05-Dec-88 22:52cst Subject: Re: POLLOCKS I liked them Dave...keep it up... --- TBBS v2.0 * Origin: FINAL FRONTIER - 5 LINES, 230 meg ON-LINE (301) 947-4404 (261/1007) From: Murray Salinas To: Sean Reifschneider Msg #75, 05-Dec-88 17:42cst Subject: n The electric company cut my electricity off, so I had to walk around my house with a camera, clicking the flash. I was hungry, so I went into the kitchen, and took 500 pictures of my hands making a sandwich. My neighbors called the police. They thought there was lightning in the house. --- * Origin: Dawn Patrol "Net 380 Host/Echo Coordinator at 9600 HST" (Opus 1:380/4) From: Casey To: All Msg #76, 05-Dec-88 17:40cst Subject: jokes An Aggie was going home for the holidays. His relatives lived in Huston. The Aggie started on his way. When he got to the end of a road, he saw a --- * Origin: MBS (MultiByte Systems 817-634-3647 2400bps) (Opus 1:382/16) *** Part of a conversation. From: Casey To: All Msg #77, 05-Dec-88 17:50cst Subject: Opps!!!!!!!!!!!! To all who read the message before this one I'm sorry I goofed. The joke actually is; An Aggie wanted to go to Huston for the holidays for the holidays. The Aggie started on his way. He got to a road sign that said " Huston left" , so the Aggie turned around and went home. --- * Origin: MBS (MultiByte Systems 817-634-3647 2400bps) (Opus 1:382/16) From: Bob Sheldon To: All Msg #78, 05-Dec-88 17:41cst Subject: JOKE DELTA stands for Doesn't Even Leave The Airport. --- * Origin: Forbidden Planet II,WOC'n RiverCity Austin TX! (Opus 1:382/10) *** Part of a conversation. From: Sean Reifschneider To: Joe Cinocca Msg #79, 06-Dec-88 10:34cst Subject: Re: jokes VerrRryy Fuunnyyyy. <frown> I wonder how funny your sysop thinks it is. By the way, you forgot your OJ (unless it was YOU). OJ: Sex is not the Answer. Sex is the Question. Yes is the answer. Sean --- * Origin: Forbidden Planet II,WOC'n RiverCity Austin TX! (Opus 1:382/10) *** Part of a conversation. From: Jeff Wood To: David Howell Msg #80, 06-Dec-88 14:11cst Subject: love How come I don't have a message from you? I thought maybe I would get a message after you asked me about them today. Oh well, I will give you a message that you can try and figure out, love is like good music, and a good women is like a high class violin. --- * Origin: PLUCE BBS (Opus 1:138/109) From: Crash To: All Msg #81, 04-Dec-88 23:12cst Subject: lepers Why did they cancel the leper hockey game? There was a face off in the corner. Why did the leper bridge game end? They all threw their hands in. . A leper walks into a fine restaraunt. A waiter shows him to a seat and gives him a menu. A few minutes later, another patron runs gagging to the bathroom. The leper thinks "Hey, I'm grossing these people out, I should leave" and rises to leave. But the waiter convinces him to stay. Not yet a minute has gone by, and another person stands up, covers their mouth and runs to the john. This time the leper is sure that he should leave, but the waiter reassures him that its not his fault. Then two more patrons retch and run out of the room. This time the leper is adamant about leaving. "No, sir, its not you" says the waiter. "You see, the person behind you is using your back as a dip!" --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: Look all along the road cause at the end it is all over! (1:104/311) From: ? To: ? Msg #82, 06-Dec-88 04:24cst Subject: ? --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: Look all along the road cause at the end it is all over! (1:104/311) *** Part of a conversation. From: Damien Hayes To: All Waiters(straight Or Gay) Msg #83, 02-Nov-88 18:17cst Subject: HAVE YOU NOTICED? WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CANOE AND A LESBIAN? THE CANOE TIPS!!!!! --- TBBS v2.0 * Origin: MICRO-DATE * Denver's Premier Matchmaking BBS * (303)-455-4793 (104/64) From: Paul Faeder Of 952/1 @ 952/1 To: James Garrett Msg #84, 06-Dec-88 12:28cst Subject: Re: Medical Terminology JG> IBM: JG> Imence Bullshit Maker. No, don't you know what IBM stands for? Intercourse is Better than Masturbation!! --- ConfMail V4.00 # Origin: Pocono Mountain BBS * (717)-588-7549 * Ne-Pa Net * (8:952/1) * Origin: Network Gateway to RBBS-NET (RBBS-PC 1:103/710) *** This is a reply to #46. From: Richard Polunsky To: Bill Evans Msg #85, 05-Dec-88 07:57cst Subject: GOLF JOKES Jesus and Saint Peter are playing golf and both having a reasonably good round until about the seventh hole. It's a dog leg left with a wicked stand of trees to one side and a water hazard to the other. Jesus tees off first and gets a good drive, straight and true, landing about 60 yards from the green. Saint Peter takes a large swing and shanks the drive, sending it into the stand of trees, where it hits a large oak and caroms into the air. A crow flying over the course catches the ball in its jaws and flys over the green before dropping it, where it rolls in for a hole in one. And Jesus says, "Come on Pete, did we come out here to play golf or just screw around?" --- TBBS v2.0 * Origin: Southern Comfort TBBS, CA (714-796-4731) (911/108) *** This is a reply to #24. From: Scott Estrin To: All Msg #86, 05-Dec-88 16:19cst Subject: Phones How many of you actually read the instructions on a pay phone before dialing? --- * Origin: Network XXIII (201)-972-0460 Archive (1/15) - (Opus 1:107/351) From: Neil Judell To: Steve Cowan Msg #87, 05-Dec-88 09:01cst Subject: Re: QUADRAPALEGIC JOKES... What do you call a quad. under a pile of leaves? Russell What do you call a quad. in front of your door? Matt What do you call a girl who has one leg longer than the other? Eileen --- TBBS v2.0 * Origin: MFTBBS MultiLine TBBS Beta 2.1 - 201-494-3649 Metuchen NJ (107/331) From: Allen Cole To: All Msg #88, 05-Dec-88 22:42cst Subject: Coincidence or Conspiracy? There are 7 letters in Kennedy There are 7 letters in Presley There are 7 letters in Lucifer There are 5 letters in John F There are 5 letters in Elvis There are 5 letters in Satan Kennedy fell in Dallas to an Assasins bullet Presley fell in the bathtub to an awsome buzz Kennedy died 3 years after a republican administration Presley died 3 years before a republican administration Satan sez: shuffle the letters in 'Elvis' ELVIS LIVES EVILS=======COINCIDENCE OR CONSPIRACY? --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: We are the people our parents warned us about * (1:264/50) From: Running Man To: The Zen Master Msg #89, 05-Dec-88 18:58cst Subject: ahah As Fritz pushed his mother over a cliff he said "Look Hans, no ma." the Running Man --- * Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa (Opus 1:163/114) From: John Tod To: PREJUDICE PIG Msg #90, 05-Dec-88 21:58cst Subject: Re: 'GOT A JOKE TO TELL There were three guys stranded on a deserted island. An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Newfoundlander. One day the Englishman found a lamp on the beach that had been washed up on shore. He ran back to the camp excited to show the other two guys. They all looked at it and the Englishman gave it a rub to clean it and all of a sudden a Genie appeared and granted each one of them one wish. The Englishman wished he could go back home to his wife and family and poof! he was gone. The Scotsman wished the same thing and poof! he was gone. The Newfoundlander said "Gee its lonely here, I wish those two other guys were back here." --- * Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa (Opus 1:163/114) From: John Tod To: All Msg #91, 05-Dec-88 22:12cst Subject: dildos A girl went to see her Gynocologist and shyly told him that she had jammed a vibrator up her pussy and it was stuck tight. The good doctor checked it out and informed her it was indeed stuck tight and that he would have to book her into a hospital to remove it by surgury. She asked when that would be and was told it would be 2-3 days. So she asked him to put fresh batteries in!! --- * Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa (Opus 1:163/114) From: John Tod To: Tom Cotter Msg #92, 05-Dec-88 22:22cst Subject: Re: Bumper sticker > I saw this on a bumper sticker the other day: > > "Your father should have pulled out early" > OR "The best part of you ran down your mothers leg". --- * Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)22Program Move; uses dos , crt ; var OFv , DFv : file; f : text; copydir , currentdir , subdir, filename , dest , dest1 : string; dirinfo : searchrec ; current_dir :string; dummy, recsread , x , ct : integer; buffer : array[1..maxint] of byte; iocode : integer ; file_copied , tr : boolean; disk_free : longint ; check : boolean ; procedure beep_hi ; begin sound(1500); delay(100); nosound; end; procedure upper(var strng: string); var C: integer; begin for c:=1 to length(strng) do strng[c] := upcase(strng[C]); end; Procedure Check_paths; begin if (subdir = '\') or (subdir = 'A:\') or (subdir = 'a:\') or (subdir = 'B:\') or (subdir = 'b:\') or (subdir = 'C:\') or (subdir = 'c:\') or (subdir = 'D:\') or (subdir = 'd:\') or (subdir = 'E:\') or (subdir = 'e:\') THEN dest :=subdir+filename ELSE dest := subdir+'\'+filename; end; Procedure Erase_file; begin chdir(copydir); erase(ofv); { upper(filename); upper(subdir);} writeln('done.'); close(OFv); close(DFv); end; Procedure Check_Disk_size ; begin case subdir[1] of 'A' , 'a' : case subdir[2] of ':' : disk_free := diskfree(1) ; end; 'B' , 'b' : case subdir[2] of ':' : disk_free := diskfree(2) ; end; 'C' , 'c' : case subdir[2] of ':' : disk_free := diskfree(3) ; end; 'D' , 'd' : case subdir[2] of ':' : disk_free := diskfree(4) ; end; 'E' , 'e' : case subdir[2] of ':' : disk_free := diskfree(5) ; end; 'F' , 'f' : case subdir[2] of ':' : disk_free := diskfree(6) ; end; 'G' , 'g' : case subdir[2] of ':' : disk_free := diskfree(7) ; end; '\' : disk_free := diskfree(0) ; end; iocode := ioresult ; if disk_free = 0 then begin beep_hi; Writeln('Drive not ready.'); halt; end; { WRiteln('FileSize'); writeln(filesize(ofv)); writeln('diskfree'); writeln(disk_free);} if (filesize(ofv)) > (disk_free) then begin Beep_hi; writeln('Target disk is full. MOVE aborting.'); halt; end; end; Procedure Display_help ; begin writeln; writeln('┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐'); writeln('│ MOVE --------- File Relocation Utility --------- v1.0 ------ 11-26-88 │'); writeln('└─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘'); writeln('(c) Copyright 1988 SoFtWare Group. Unauthorized modification is prohibited.'); writeln; writeln('Description: Moves file(s) to a specified directory or drive. '); writeln; writeln('Usage: MOVE [filename] [d:][\path] '); writeln; writeln(' If you use MOVE and enjoy it, any comments, suggestions , or '); writeln(' donations are gladly accepted. I can be reached via modem at: '); writeln(' '); writeln(' Connect 2400! BBS '); writeln(' (817) 485-9201 '); writeln(' QBBS 2.03 '); writeln(' '); writeln(' or through your lo5-2989 * Ottawa (Opus 1:163/114) From: John Tod To: Top Gun Msg #93, 05-Dec-88 22:24cst Subject: Re: Humor from the NorthWest > Wasted a dime oh, what the hell > at least I can sit and enjoy the smell. Here I sit broken hearted Spent a dime and only farted Yesterday I took a chance Saved a dime and shit my pants OR Some people come here to sit and think I come here to shit and stink OR Flush twice, its a long way to the mess hall (old Army joke) --- * Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa (Opus 1:163/114) From: John Tod To: Ray Vaughan Msg #94, 05-Dec-88 22:28cst Subject: Re: Yuppies > What do you call oral sex between two yuppies? > > "Sixty-something" > What is the square root of 69??? 8 something. --- * Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa (Opus 1:163/114) From: John Tod To: Ray Vaughan Msg #95, 05-Dec-88 22:29cst Subject: Re: GAYS > Notice they never explain how Adam and Eve had only two > sons and all of the human race came from them? Or one was a mother fucker! --- * Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa (Opus 1:163/114) *** There is a reply. See #105. From: Dave Scullin To: Greg Martin Msg #96, 06-Dec-88 04:04cst Subject: Re: Jokes No,no,no! It's Whats grey, and comes in brownies? Cub Scouts --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: Zeus II - WC!/Bink/QBBS - Fonthill, Ont., CANADA (1:148/364) *** This is a reply to #79. From: Gerry Simpson To: All Msg #97, 05-Dec-88 18:54cst Subject: Philosophy WE, THE WILLING LED BY THE UNKNOWING ARE DOING THE IMPOSSIBLE FOR THE UNGRATEFUL ************************ WE HAVE DONE SO MUCH WITH SO LITTLE FOR SO LONG ************************ THAT SOON WE WILL BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING WITH NOTHING. ************************* --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: DataGate QuickBBS 160mb, the fastest gun in London! (1:224/0) From: Fraser Anderson To: John Bordeaux Msg #98, 05-Dec-88 22:48cst Subject: Re: Wright...... This boy had a Jewish mother and a black father. He went up to his parents one day and said he had a problem. Naturally his parents asked if they could help. "There is a boy at school who is selling his bike for $15. I don't know whether to offer him $11.50 or wait till it's dsark and steal the thing. "You mean to tell me you went through this whole sex change thing withput any pain?" "Well no, I didn't say that. There was one part thAt was painful." "What part was that Ralph?" "When they drilled a hole in my head and sucked half my brains out. Now I'm a real woman." Thanks for the enlightenment guy. I'll have to keep my eyes peeled and see if he shows up on any programs up here in the great white north. WE'll likely start hearing from him in about 3 years......... You don't know if he has any records out do you? Later.......... --- ConfMail V3.31 * Origin: Central Durham BBS...Laugh'n it up in Whitby (1:229/102) *** Part of a conversation. From: Robert Ezell To: James Garrett Msg #99, 07-Dec-88 10:42cst Subject: Re: oxygen Ok, I have one similar... Q. How is making love to your wife like cleaning the house???? A. 'Cause no matter how well you do it, you're eventually gonna have to do it again!!!!! --- * Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6) *** Part of a conversation. From: Robert Ezell To: All Msg #100, 07-Dec-88 10:48cst Subject: OJ Q. Why dont Puerto Ricanslike blow jobs??? A. They're afraid it'll interfere with their unemployment benefits!!!! --- * Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6) *** Part of a conversation. From: Robert Ezell To: All Msg #101, 07-Dec-88 10:49cst Subject: OJ Q. How do ya circumcise a Libyan??? A. ...Cant... There ain't no end to those pricks!!! --- * Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6) *** Part of a conversation. From: Robert Ezell To: Paul Csomo Msg #102, 07-Dec-88 12:35cst Subject: Re: Wright...... I've caught him a few times on HBO and personally, I dont think they guy is funny at ALL.... Now...BOB GOLDWAIT... Now THATS A COMEDIAN! --- * Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6) *** This is a reply to #98. From: Robert Ezell To: All Msg #103, 07-Dec-88 12:36cst Subject: OJ Q. Why did the Polack sit in his bathtub with his back to the faucet??? A. He didnt have a plug!!! --- * Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6) *** This is a reply to #101. From: David Johnson To: All Msg #104, 08-Dec-88 10:02cst Subject: joke Yet, another great Easy Rider joke: After work, the bro dragged his tired ass home and found his ol lady in front of the TV, glued to a soap opera. "Hey baby, whats for supper?", he asked. "Fuck supper!" she yelled. "I just left a women's lib meeting, and I found out that I don't hafta cook your meals anymore." The bro, barely holding back his temper, tried to let it slide. "If I was you, bitch," he growled, "I'd forget about this womens lib shit right away. Now get off yer fat ass and get my supper on the table." Not even looking up from the TV, his ol' lady said, "I told ya, asshole, my womens lib sisters told me I don't hafta do shit if I don't wanna, and I don't fuckin' feel like cookin' today. Ya got that?" "How'd you like to not see me for about three days?" the bro said evenly. "Go for it," she said. "I don't give a flyin' fuck what ya do." The next day the bitch didn't see him. The second day the bitch didn't see him. The third day she could just barely see him out of the corner of her left eye. --- * Origin: Hambone's Cop Shop The WOCing FUZZ *PEP* (1.124/211.0) (Opus 1:124/211) *** Part of a conversation. From: Frank Grubbs To: Ray Vaughan Msg #105, 07-Dec-88 07:37cst Subject: Re: GAYS -> -> Notice they never explain how Adam and Eve had only two -> -> sons and all of the human race came from them? Wrong. Genesis 4;17: "And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch..." Hardly homosexual, I'd say. It's true, of course, that where Cain found his wife is not explained, but if you're going to be a Bible Literalist, be literal. So there. OJ: Peter Kaufman was a perfectionist (not a literalist--heh,heh) when it came to playing bridge. He absolutely could not stand mediocrity at the bridge table. One evening, while playing bridge with a particularly inept partner, the partner asked to be excused to go to the bathroom. As he left, Kaufman remarked, "Well, for the first time this evening he'll know what he's got in his hand." . --- QuickBBS v2.03 * Origin: Hilton's Inn BBS -- El Paso, TX (1:381/2) (915)566-9752 (1:381/2) *** This is a reply to #95. From: Ray Batig To: Mike Kuhn Msg #106, 05-Dec-88 18:22cst Subject: Ugg... > How do you know when you have eaten good pussy???? > > > When you wake up and your face looks like a glazed donut... cal post office at : '); writeln(' '); writeln(' Sean Gallagher '); writeln(' P.O. Box 394 '); writeln(' Colleyville TX 76034 '); writeln; halt; end; (* of PROCEDURE Display_help *) procedure copy_file (OFName,DFname : string); begin assign (OFv,OfName); assign (DFv,DFName); {$I-} reset(OFv,1); {$I+} iocode := ioresult ; case iocode of 2 : begin beep_hi; Writeln('File not found.'); halt; end; 5 : begin beep_hi; writeln('Access denied.'); halt; end; end; check_disk_size; {$I-} rewrite(DFv,1); {$I+} iocode := ioresult ; if iocode = 3 then begin beep_hi; writeln('Path not found.'); halt; end; if iocode = 152 then begin beep_hi; Writeln('Drive not ready.'); halt; end; if iocode = 5 then begin Beep_hi; writeln('Target disk is full. MOVE aborting.'); halt; end; If iocode <> 0 then file_copied := false else File_copied := true ; repeat blockread(OFv,buffer,Maxint,recsread); blockwrite(DFv,buffer,recsread,dummy); until recsread = 0; end; begin if (paramcount = 0) or (paramcount = 1) then display_help; getdir(0,currentdir); writeln('MOVE v1.0 (c) 1988 SoFtWare Group. Unauthorized modification is prohibited.'); writeln; Filename := paramstr(1); subdir := paramstr(2); Check_paths; dest1 := subdir; copydir := ''; ct := 2; if filename[1] = '\' then begin X := 2; while filename[x] <> '\' do begin copydir := copydir + filename[x]; inc(ct); inc(x); end; copydir := '\' + copydir ; delete(filename,1,ct); chdir(copydir); end; if filename = '.' then filename := '*.*'; findfirst(filename,archive,dirinfo); if doserror = 18 then begin beep_hi; Writeln('File not found.'); halt; end; while doserror = 0 do begin subdir := dest1; filename := dirinfo.name ; if subdir = '\' then subdir := subdir + dirinfo.name else subdir := subdir + '\' + dirinfo.name; write('Moving ',filename,' . . . '); {$I-} copy_file(filename,subdir); {$I+} if file_copied then erase_file; findnext(dirinfo); end; chdir(currentdir); end.æ$~ ight 1988 SoFtWare Group. Unauthorized modification is prohibited.'); writeln; writeln('Description: Moves file(s) to a specified directory or drive. '); writeln; writeln('Usage: MOVE [filename] [d:][\path] '); writeln; writeln(' If you use MOVE and enjoy it, any comments, suggestions , or '); writeln(' donations are gladly accepted. I can be reached via modem at: '); writeln(' '); writeln(' Connect 2400! BBS '); writeln(' (817) 485-9201 '); writeln(' QBBS 2.03 '); writeln(' '); writeln(' or through your local post office at : MZ░ ╒ 7 ╗ ╗¼ @ X X k ô º ╕ ╔ ┌ δ ⁿ 0 : H Z d n | É Ü ƒ ⌐ « └ ┼ ╩ ╘ ┘ π Φ + E f ç ¿ ╚ Φ ) J O T [ e j ì Æ ù ₧ l v { ì Æ ù ⌐ « │ ┼ ╩ ╧ ß µ δ ⌡ · % 7 < A K P b g l ~ â ê Ü ƒ ñ ╢ ╗ └ ╥ ╫ ▄ ε ≤ ° & + 0 B G L ^ c h z ä û ¢ á ¬ » ╢ ) A U e u â ê ¿ ¡ ▓ ╣ ╒ ┌ ▀ µ ≈ ⁿ % , I N S Z v { Ç ç ▓ ╖ ╧ ╘ [ ` k t ì ƒ ñ ⌐ │ ╕ ╟ ╒ Σ ≥ > R W e ë ù ⌐ │ ╕ ╟ ▄ ∩ 9 L [ m w à ù í ½ ╣ ╦ ╪ σ Ω ∩ " + ) }Q i_ iî i ë°ëUëσ1└Ü¡ë╕▄PÜ╕d PÜΘÜ>ë∞]├\A:\a:\B:\b:\C:\c:\D:\d:\E:\e:\Uëσ╕ Ü¡ëü∞ ┐ W┐% WÜfëuΘ░ ┐ W┐' WÜfëuΘ£ ┐ W┐+ WÜfëuΘê ┐ W┐/ WÜfëtw┐ W┐3 WÜfëtf┐ W┐7 WÜfëtU┐ W┐; WÜfëtD┐ W┐? WÜfët3┐ W┐C WÜfët"┐ W┐G WÜfët┐ W┐K WÜfëu*ì╛ W┐ WÜvë┐ WÜë┐ W╕ PÜÉëδ2ì╛ W┐ WÜvë┐% WÜë┐ WÜë┐ W╕ PÜÉëë∞]├done.Uëσ1└Ü¡ë┐ WÜ ëÜwë┐ WÜ ëÜwë┐\è W┐éW1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐ WÜÇ ëÜwë┐Ç WÜÇ ëÜwëë∞]├Drive not ready.#Target disk is full. MOVE aborting.Uëσ1└Ü¡ëá<At<auá<:u░PÜ iú6ëë8ëΘ╒ <Bt<buá<:u░PÜ iú6ëë8ëΘ┤ <Ct<cuá<:u░PÜ iú6ëë8ëΘô <Dt<duá<:u░PÜ iú6ëë8ëδs<Et<euá<:u░PÜ iú6ëë8ëδS<Ft<fuá<:u░PÜ iú6ëë8ëδ3<Gt<guá<:u░PÜ iú6ëë8ëδ<\u░ PÜ iú6ëë8ëÜmëú2ëí6ë 8ëu&Φ╞ⁿ┐\è W┐εW1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë1└Ü≤ë┐ WÜö ëÜwë;8ë|,;6ëv&Φâⁿ┐\è W┐ W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë1└Ü≤ëë∞]├K┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐K│ MOVE --------- File Relocation Utility --------- v1.0 ------ 11-26-88 │K└─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘K(c) Copyright 1988 SoFtWare Group. Unauthorized modification is prohibited.KDescription: Moves file(s) to a specified directory or drive. KUsage: MOVE [filename] [d:][\path] K If you use MOVE and enjoy it, any comments, suggestions , or K donations are gladly accepted. I can be reached via modem at: K K Connect 2400! BBS K (817) 485-9201 K QBBS 2.03 K or through your local post office at : K Sean Gallagher K P.O. Box 394 K Colleyville TX 76034 Uëσ1└Ü¡ë┐\è WÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐ñW1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐≡W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐<W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐êW1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è WÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐╘W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è WÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐ W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è WÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐lW1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐╕W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐PW1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐£W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐ΦW1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐4W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐ÇW1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐╠W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è WÜ! ëÜwë1└Ü≤ëë∞]├File not found.Access denied.Path not found.Drive not ready.#Target disk is full. MOVE aborting.Uëσ╕ Ü¡ëü∞ ─~Wì╛ ■W╕ PÜÉë─~Wì╛ W╕ PÜÉë┐ Wì╛ WÜ╤ ë┐Ç Wì╛ ■WÜ╤ ë┐ W╕ PÜ ëÜmëú2ëí2ë= u(Φh⌠┐\è W┐╝ W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë1└Ü≤ëδ+= u&Φ;⌠┐\è W┐╠ W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë1└Ü≤ëΦ8÷┐Ç W╕ PÜ ëÜmëú2ëâ>2ëu&Φ⌡≤┐\è W┐█ W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë1└Ü≤ëü>2ëÿ u&Φ╟≤┐\è W┐δ W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë1└Ü≤ëâ>2ëu&ΦÜ≤┐\è W┐ⁿ W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë1└Ü≤ëâ>2ë t╞4ë δ╞4ë┐ W┐3 W╕ P┐- WÜσ ëÜwë┐Ç W┐3 W 6- ┐+ WÜ∞ ëÜwëâ>- u┐ë∞]┬ LMOVE v1.0 (c) 1988 SoFtWare Group. Unauthorized modification is prohibited.\.*.*File not found.Moving . . . Ü ëÜ ëσü∞ ÜÉ ë └t ÜÉ ë= uΦµ·░ P┐ W╕ PÜ╔ ë┐\è W┐π W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è WÜ! ëÜwëì╛ W╕ PÜo ë┐ W╕ PÜÉëì╛ W╕ PÜo ë┐ W╕ PÜÉëΦX≥┐ W┐ W╕ PÜÉë╞ ╟1 Ç>\tΘ¢ ╟/ ï>/ Ç╜ \tAì╛ ■W┐ WÜvëì╛ Wï>/ èà PÜæëÜë┐ W╕ PÜÉë 1 / δ┤ì╛ W┐0 WÜvë┐ WÜë┐ W╕ PÜÉë┐ W╕ P 61 Üë┐ WÜ ëÜwë┐ W┐2 WÜfëu┐4 W┐ W╕ PÜÉë┐ W╕ P┐ WÜs iâ>Vëu&Φ±┐\è W┐8 W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë1└Ü≤ëâ>Vë tΘφ ┐ W┐ W╕ PÜÉë┐ W┐ W╕ PÜÉë┐ W┐0 WÜfëu*ì╛ W┐ WÜvë┐ WÜë┐ W╕ PÜÉëδ2ì╛ W┐ WÜvë┐0 WÜë┐ WÜë┐ W╕ PÜÉë┐\è W┐H W1└PÜ¥ ë┐ W1└PÜ¥ ë┐P W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ: ëÜwë┐ W┐ WΦ"√Ç>4ë tΦDZ┐ WÜiΘ ┐ WÜ ëÜwëë∞1└Ü≤ë ëσΦ) ┐\ë WΦk┐\ë WÜ╪ë┐\è WΦX┐\è WÜ▌ëë∞╦┤Φ <t <v╕ Φx Φ╫ ┤2 Φè─$óSëóBë3└ó=ëóTëóUë@ó<ë╕@ Ä└┐l &è&:t√&è╣ Φî╕7 æ≈╨3╥≈±úOë╕═!ë GëîIë ║z╕%═! ─pïúKëîMë╟pïcîrï├║@ Ä┬&Ç&ç ■<t<r░P┤ ΦX ΣtA╕│ Φr╕0╖ ▓ ΦhÇ·*u*&Çç ╕ ╣ ΦT&Ç>I u &ïc ░εB░ε┤│ Φ9├┤Φ3P╕0╖ ▓ Φ(X▒ ╥u▓<w▒è≥è╘■╩┤ Ç■v┤ú@ëëQëê?ë╞>ë3└úCëëEë├ ┼Gë╕%═! ─Këúpïîrï╦P ╕dÄ╪Ç><ë t╞Uë X╧Ç>Uë u├╞Uë ┤═t┤ ═δ⌠░^Φ░CΦΦ ═#ï▄6ïGΦ°■ΦW áSëóBë╩ ï▄6èW 6èw6èO6èo:╤w':⌡w#■╩x ■╬x■╔:Qëw■═:.Rëw ëCëëEëΦ=╩ ╕ è>BëïCëïEëΦ4ïCëΦ!╦Φ╕ è>Bëï╩èEëΦ╦╕δ╕PΦ∙Xè>BëèCëèεïEë:εu2└Φ⌠╦ï▄6èW6èw■╩Cër:Eëw■╬6Dër :6FëwΦ╛╩ Φ▒è┬*Cë■└╦ΦÑè╞*Dë■└╦ï▄6èG¿≡t$ ÇÇ&BëpBë╩ ï▄6èG$▒╥αÇ&BëÅBë╩ Ç&Bë≈╦ÇBë╦áSëóBë╦ï▄6ïW ╥t3 Ä╟&èï Oëï╦Φ Ju°╩ &:uΓ∙├ï▄6ï_╕▌4║ ;╙s≈≤ï╪Σa¿u µa░╢µCè├µBè╟µB╩ Σa$ⁿµa╦Ç>Të u┤═░ t░╦áTë╞Të └u2Σ═ └u ê&Të Σu░Φ■╦ï▄ 6┼╟E░╫╟EÇ ìàÇ ëE î]╟EñîM╞E0 ╩ ï▄ 6┼╕▄╗║ï╦ü}▒╫t ╟E▓╫╕ëï╪ëEîMë]îMëM îM 3└ ╩ Uï∞─~&ïUJJ&ïu&─} 3█╞Të Φ\ ╣ <t4<t0<tDI<t'<t#<t7<tF< tO< r╧;┌t╦&êCΦÿ ;▐v└ï≤δ╝ █t╕░Φç ░ Φé ░Φ} KΓΩδñ;▐tá&è< rÖΦj CΓ∩δæÇ>=ë tè&êCδ ΦN &╟ CC─~3└&ëE&ë] ]╩ ï▄6─&ïM&)Mπ&─} Ç>>ë u &èΦ GΓ≈δΦ£ Φ█ⁿ3└╩ 3└╩ ░ Φ ░ SQRPΦr X<t*<t-< t3< t5┤ è Bë2 ╣ RΦeZ■┬:Eëv èCëδ┤ΦQδ:Cët ■╩δ èCëδΦ Φ- ZY[├■╞:6Fëv■╬QR╕è>BëïCëïEëΦZY├┤2 Θ ┤2 Θ ╕@ Ä╪ïP ï┌ï≈&è<t!<t,< t5< t9G■┬:Eëv<Φo Φá èCëδ,Φc QR╕Φ├ ZYδ ΦT :Cët■╩δΦG Φx δΦ? èCëGï≈ï┌ΓªΦ1 ╕@ Ä╪ëP è╞÷&J 2÷┬ï╚ïc ░εδ è┼Bεδ J░εδ è┴Bε ├;≈tcQRW ï╧+╬è?ëè6Bë╕@ Ä╪è╟÷&J 2 ├╤αï°ï┌ïc â┬╕ ╕Ç>I u┤░ Ä└ⁿ █t¼è╪∞¿u√·∞¿t√ï├½√Γ∞δèτ¼½Γⁿ _ZY├VWU═]_^├ Uëσ░!P─~WΦQë∞]╩ Uëσâ∞╞FΘ6èFêFεì~ΦWΦ╥ â~Φ u ╟Fⁿ ╟F■ δ'ïFΦ1╥ï╚ï┌ïFΩ1╥Ü─ëï╚ï┌ïF∞1╥Ü─ëëFⁿëV■ïFⁿïV■ë∞]╩ Uëσü∞─~ Wì╛ W╕ PÜÉë╞åφ■─~ë°ëå≥■─~î└ëå·■ì╛∞■WΦQ ì╛ WΦ√ ╞åφ■Nìå ëå≥■î╨ëå·■ïF ëå≡■ì╛∞■WΦ$ ïå■■% └u1└úVë─~ü╟ WΦ╒ δïå∞■úVëë∞]╩ Uëσâ∞╞Fφ─~ë°ëF≥─~î└ëF·ì~∞WΦ╓■╞FφOì~∞WΦ╔■ïF■% └u1└úVë─~ü╟ WΦ{ δïF∞úVëë∞]╩ U ï∞èF .óï┼vⁿ¡P¡ï╪¡ï╚¡ï╨¡ïΦ¡P¡ï°¡P¡Ä└ ^X═ £WUï∞─~ⁿ½ï├½ï┴½ï┬½X½ï╞½X½î╪½X½X½ ]╩ [_î┌ï≈î└Ä╪ⁿ¼è╚2φ≤ñ2└¬Ä┌ π[_î┌ï≈î└Ä╪ⁿ2└╣ ≥«ï╟+╞Hï╚Oï≈N²≤ñ¬Ä┌ π ║dÄ┌î\ïï─ ▒╙Φî╥┬ú`ïúdï&í - úhï╟lï▌ înï╟pïΓ îrï╞Æï3└ú^ïúbïúfïújïúzïú|ïúôï╕ 5═!ë ~ïîÇï╕5═!ë éïîäï╕#5═!ë åïîêï╕$5═!ë èïîîï╕u5═!ë ÄïîÉï ║Θ╕ %═!║≡╕#%═!║┐╕$%═! ╕\ë P P╕▄ PΦÑΦ╕\è P P╕▄ PΦæΦ╦ 3└╩ ╕\ë PΦP╕\è PΦG ┼~ï╕ %═! ┼éï╕%═! ┼åï╕#%═! ┼èï╕$%═! ┼Äï╕u%═! ívï xït)╗ºΦ$ ítïΦ, ╗╢Φ íxïΦ: ░:ΦO ívïΦ/ ╗╗Φ ╦.è └tΦ8 Cδ≤├▒dΦ ▒ Φ δ2Σ÷±0PΦ Xè─├Pè─Φ XP▒╥ΦΦ X$0<:rè╨┤═!├Runtime error at . √â─Xüτ ü╟û Çⁿ9s┐ W┤T═!ï∞ÇNX[YZ^_] ╧╕╚ Y[δ╕ 3╔3█║dÄ┌ï╤ ╙t+ \ïâδÄ\ï&Ç> ├t &Ä &Ç> ├u& útïëvïë xï─ pïî└ ├t3└úpïúrïúôï╕2PS╦Ä\ï&Ç> ├u &╞ & . ítï┤L═!íôï╟ôï ╦â>ôï u╦íôïΘg ï⌠6ÄD&;U|&;r&;U|&;Ew╦╕╔ Θ? ï⌠+≡rü■ r╦╕╩ Θ, ï╚ï┌ï≡ï·≈ßPRï╞≈πï╪ï╟≈ßï╚ZX╙╤╦UïΘ δt` █£y ≈╤≈╙â┴â╙ ╥£y ≈╨≈╥ â╥ ï±ï√3╔3█╜! ╤╤╤╙+╬▀s╬▀⌡╤╨╤╥MuΩ¥y≈╤≈╙â┴â╙ ¥yδ ¥y ≈╨≈╥ â╥ ]╦]╕╚ Θƒ■üß t╤Ω╤╪Γ·╦üß t╤α╤╥Γ·╦ ╥} ≈╨≈╥ â╥ ╦ⁿï▄î┌6─6┼w¼¬è╚2φ≤ñÄ┌╩ ⁿï▄î┌6┼w 6─6ïO¼:┴vè┴¬è╚2φ≤ñÄ┌╩ ï▄6─&è2Σ╩ ⁿï▄î┌6─ 6┼wè2Σ6ïO ╔╣ ±+┴r@6ïO ╔}3╔;┴vï┴δ3└¬ï╚≤ñÄ┌╩ ⁿï▄î┌6─6┼w&è 2φ¼& s&╞ è┴÷╨∙Gè╚≤ñÄ┌╩ ⁿï▄ 6┼w6─è 2φ&è2÷+╤r╕ ╔tBFGQVW≤ª_^Yt@Ju±3└ ╩ ⁿï▄î┌6┼w6─¼&è%Gè╚:╠vè╠ ╔t2φ≤ªu:─Ä┌╩ ⁿï▄6─░¬6èG¬╩ ⁿï▄î┌6─ 6┼w6ïG¬ï╚≤ñÄ┌╩ Uï∞ü∞ ì╛ W─~ W╕ PïFHPΦσ■─~WΦ ì╛ ■W─~ W v╕ PΦ╞■Φ ─~ W vΦä■ïσ]╩ Uï∞ü∞ â~ ~Cì╛ W─~ W╕ PïFHPΦï■ì╛ ■W─~ WïFFP╕ PΦq■Φ«■─~ W╕ PΦ.■ïσ]╩ ï▄ 6─6┼wⁿ3└½╕░╫½╕Ç ½3└½½½ìEt½î└½╕î½î╚½3└╣ ≤½¼<Ov░Oè╚2φ≤ñ2└¬ ╩ ï▄6─ 6ïG&ëE6ïG&ëE 6ïG&ëE3└&ëE&ëE ╩ ║▒╫δ║▓╫δ║│╫ï▄6─&ïE=▒╫t=▓╫t =░╫t ╟ôïf δ!RΦk Z3└&ëU&ëE&ëE ╗ Φ\ t&╟E░╫╩ ï▄6─Φ uΦ1 ╩ ï▄6─Φ u Φ, &╟E░╫╩ &ü}▒╫t&ü}▓╫t╟ôïg ├╗ &ü}▓╫t├Φ± ╗ WW& └túôï_├ï▄ 6┼3╔ë ╕ =ü}▒╫t ░ ü}│╫t┤<Ç}0 t ìU0═!rKë╕i╗dü}▒╫t&ï ╕ D═!╕┬ï╪÷┬Çuü}│╫uΦ% ╕Ö╗d╟E▓╫ëEîMë]îM╟E µîM 3└ ╩ 3╥3╔ï ╕B═!-Ç â┌ s3└3╥ï╩ï╨ï ╕ B═!ìòÇ ╣Ç ï ┤?═!s3└3█;╪t Ç╣Ç tCδ≥ï╙+╨╣ ï ╕B═!3╔ï ┤@═!├3└╩ ï▄ 6─&┼U &ïM&ï ┤?═!r&ëE 3└&╟E ╩ &╟E δεï▄ 6─&┼U &ïM&ï ┤@═!r+┴t╕e &╟E ╩ ï▄ 6─&┼U &ïM&ï ┤@═!r3└&╟E ╩ ï▄6─&ï â√v┤>═!3└╩ &ü}▒╫uâ>ôï u^ W&ï]&ïU &─} µ╟ôïh ├;┌t&è°├Q VÄ^■─~·&ë]W& ] └túôï─~·&ï]&ïU &─} ^ Y;┌u╦░∙├^_ &ë] µ&ü}▓╫uâ>ôï u^ W&ï]&ïU&─} µ╟ôïi ├&êC;┌t├Q VÄ^■─~·&ë]W& ] └túôï─~·&ï]&ïU&─} ^ Y├^_ &ë] µUï∞─~Φ uΦC <t C< u⌠Φ7 < uCΦl ]ï▄6─&ü}▒╫uâ>ôï u W& ] └u╩ ╕h úôïδ⌡Uï∞─~ΦB u ░ Φc ░ Φ^ Φæ ]ï▄6─&ü}▓╫uâ>ôï u W& ] └u╩ ╕i úôïδ⌡Uï∞─~ ΦÉ■u%┼v3╔Φ«■< t<t CAFê;Nuδ+±ê Φ╥■]╩ ─~&╞ δ≤Uï∞─~ Φ╞■u%┼vïNⁿ¼2Σ+╚~ P░ Φ╪■Γ∙Xï╚πⁿ¼Φ╠■Γ∙Φ²■]╩ ï▄ 6─6┼wⁿ3└½╕░╫½3└╣ ≤½¼<Ov░Oè╚2φ≤ñ2└¬ ╩ áÆï┤=3╥δ╕ <║ Uï∞─~&ü}░╫t&ü}│╫t╟ôïf δ4PRWΦL ZX&Ç}0 t ìU0 3╔═! súôïδÆ&╟E│╫&ëïF&ëE]╩ ï▄6─Φ3 u3╔&ï ┤@═!súôï╩ ï▄6─Φ u&ï â√v┤>═!&╟E░╫╩ &ü}│╫t╟ôïg ├┤?║d δ┤@║e Uï∞─~ Φ▄ u R┼V&ïM&ï ═!Z r;┴tï┬úôï]╩ │?╣d δ│@╣e Uï∞─~Φª u?ïF └t Q&≈eï╚┼V èπ&ï ═!Y r 3╥&≈u─~î┬ ╫t&ëδ ;F tëôïδúôï─~î┬ ╫t3└&ë]╩ Uï∞─~ ΦJ u!ïF&≈eï╚ïF&≈e╩ï╨&ï ╕ B═!súôï]╩ ΦF r&ïMâ∙t3█ΦN≈╩ Φ/ rï┴ï╙&ïMâ∙t3█Φ3≈╩ Φ r ;┴u ;╙u░╩ 2└╩ ï▄6─&ü}│╫u+3╔3╥&ï ╕B═!RP3╔3╥&ï ╕B═![YRPï╙&ï ╕ B═!Y[├╟ôïg 3└3╥∙├ï▄ 6┼Wâ┬0┤A═! súôï╩ Uï∞â∞P ┼vì~░¼<Ov░Oè╚2φ≤ñ2└¬┼V â┬0ì~░┤V═! súôïδ ìv░ ─~ â╟0¼¬ └u· ïσ]╩ Uï∞3└ïV ╥tΦ ─~ Ä \ïⁿ¬æ≤ñ ]╩ 3╥Φ ô╦Ä\ï┐Ç &è 2φG3█π &Ç= wGΓ≈ï≈π &Ç= vGΓ≈ï╟+╞tCJu▐├Uï∞ü∞Ç ìvÇ èF └u┤═!■└è╨@êF╟:\FF┤G═!s╞ ìvÇ─~ïN3█ⁿ¼ └tC&êΓ⌡&ê ïσ]╩ Uï∞ü∞Ç ΦU ïFÇ └t Çⁿ:u<ar, ,Aè╨┤═!Ç~é t┤;ΦK ïσ]╩ Uï∞ü∞Ç Φ ┤9Φ6 ïσ]╩ Uï∞ü∞Ç Φ ┤:Φ! ïσ]╩ ┼vì~Çⁿ¼<r░ÿï╚≤ñ2└¬ ├ ìVÇ ═! súôï├ ╩ [_î┌ï≈î└Ä╪ⁿ¼è╚2φ≤ñ2└¬Ä┌ π[_î┌ï≈î└Ä╪ⁿ2└╣ ≥«ï╟+╞Hï╚Oï≈N²≤ñ¬Ä┌ π subdir := subdir + dirinfo.name else subdir := subdir + '\' + dirinfo.name; write('Moving ',filename,' . . . '); {$I-} copy_file(filename,subdir); {$I+} if file_copied then erase_file; findnext(dirinfo); end; chdir(currentdir); end. U) $ëüHæJ¬¬¢j¬AÆêIRPP é òU$Ñ IE*"¡Ék⌡A■ D!JòJ²¬'╒V¡█vPàBE]╗jöBIP "Q$$¬╡UUv╒TöÑ$"Æ Ç■ ¬¬òHR"óññDVü+·( @ ä$¬╡ MZ░ ╒ 7 ╗ ╗¼ @ X X k ô º ╕ ╔ ┌ δ ⁿ 0 : H Z d n | É Ü ƒ ⌐ « └ ┼ ╩ ╘ ┘ π Φ + E f ç ¿ ╚ Φ ) J O T [ e j ì Æ ù ₧ l v { ì Æ ù ⌐ « │ ┼ ╩ ╧ ß µ δ ⌡ · % 7 < A K P b g l ~ â ê Ü ƒ ñ ╢ ╗ └ ╥ ╫ ▄ ε ≤ ° & + 0 B G L ^ c h z ä û ¢ á ¬ » ╢ ) A U e u â ê ¿ ¡ ▓ ╣ ╒ ┌ ▀ µ ≈ ⁿ % , I N S Z v { Ç ç ▓ ╖ ╧ ╘ [ ` k t ì ƒ ñ ⌐ │ ╕ ╟ ╒ Σ ≥ > R W e ë ù ⌐ │ ╕ ╟ ▄ ∩ 9 L [ m w à ù í ½ ╣ ╦ ╪ σ Ω ∩ " + ) }Q i_ iî i ë°ëUëσ1└Ü¡ë╕▄PÜ╕d PÜΘÜ>ë∞]├\A:\a:\B:\b:\C:\c:\D:\d:\E:\e:\Uëσ╕ Ü¡ëü∞ ┐ W┐% WÜfëuΘ░ ┐ W┐' WÜfëuΘ£ ┐ W┐+ WÜfëuΘê ┐ W┐/ WÜfëtw┐ W┐3 WÜfëtf┐ W┐7 WÜfëtU┐ W┐; WÜfëtD┐ W┐? WÜfët3┐ W┐C WÜfët"┐ W┐G WÜfët┐ W┐K WÜfëu*ì╛ W┐ WÜvë┐ WÜë┐ W╕ PÜÉëδ2ì╛ W┐ WÜvë┐% WÜë┐ WÜë┐ W╕ PÜÉëë∞]├done.Uëσ1└Ü¡ë┐ WÜ ëÜwë┐ WÜ ëÜwë┐\è W┐éW1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐ WÜÇ ëÜwë┐Ç WÜÇ ëÜwëë∞]├Drive not ready.#Target disk is full. MOVE aborting.Uëσ1└Ü¡ëá<At<auá<:u░PÜ iú6ëë8ëΘ╒ <Bt<buá<:u░PÜ iú6ëë8ëΘ┤ <Ct<cuá<:u░PÜ iú6ëë8ëΘô <Dt<duá<:u░PÜ iú6ëë8ëδs<Et<euá<:u░PÜ iú6ëë8ëδS<Ft<fuá<:u░PÜ iú6ëë8ëδ3<Gt<guá<:u░PÜ iú6ëë8ëδ<\u░ PÜ iú6ëë8ëÜmëú2ëí6ë 8ëu&Φ╞ⁿ┐\è W┐εW1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë1└Ü≤ë┐ WÜö ëÜwë;8ë|,;6ëv&Φâⁿ┐\è W┐ W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë1└Ü≤ëë∞]├K┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐K│ MOVE --------- File Relocation Utility --------- v1.0 ------ 11-26-88 │K└─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘K(c) Copyright 1988 SoFtWare Group. Unauthorized modification is prohibited.KDescription: Moves file(s) to a specified directory or drive. KUsage: MOVE [filename] [d:][\path] K If you use MOVE and enjoy it, any comments, suggestions , or K donations are gladly accepted. I can be reached via modem at: K K Connect 2400! BBS K (817) 485-9201 K QBBS 2.03 K or through your local post office at : K Sean Gallagher K P.O. Box 394 K Colleyville TX 76034 Uëσ1└Ü¡ë┐\è WÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐ñW1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐≡W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐<W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐êW1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è WÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐╘W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è WÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐ W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è WÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐lW1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐╕W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐PW1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐£W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐ΦW1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐4W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐ÇW1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐╠W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è W┐W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è WÜ! ëÜwë1└Ü≤ëë∞]├File not found.Access denied.Path not found.Drive not ready.#Target disk is full. MOVE aborting.Uëσ╕ Ü¡ëü∞ ─~Wì╛ ■W╕ PÜÉë─~Wì╛ W╕ PÜÉë┐ Wì╛ WÜ╤ ë┐Ç Wì╛ ■WÜ╤ ë┐ W╕ PÜ ëÜmëú2ëí2ë= u(Φh⌠┐\è W┐╝ W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë1└Ü≤ëδ+= u&Φ;⌠┐\è W┐╠ W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë1└Ü≤ëΦ8÷┐Ç W╕ PÜ ëÜmëú2ëâ>2ëu&Φ⌡≤┐\è W┐█ W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë1└Ü≤ëü>2ëÿ u&Φ╟≤┐\è W┐δ W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë1└Ü≤ëâ>2ëu&ΦÜ≤┐\è W┐ⁿ W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë1└Ü≤ëâ>2ë t╞4ë δ╞4ë┐ W┐3 W╕ P┐- WÜσ ëÜwë┐Ç W┐3 W 6- ┐+ WÜ∞ ëÜwëâ>- u┐ë∞]┬ LMOVE v1.0 (c) 1988 SoFtWare Group. Unauthorized modification is prohibited.\.*.*File not found.Moving . . . Ü ëÜ ëσü∞ ÜÉ ë └t ÜÉ ë= uΦµ·░ P┐ W╕ PÜ╔ ë┐\è W┐π W1└PÜ¥ ëÜ! ëÜwë┐\è WÜ! ëÜwëì╛ W╕ PÜo ë┐ W╕ PÜÉëì╛ W╕ PÜo ë┐ W╕ PÜÉëΦX≥┐ W┐ W╕ PÜÉë╞ ╟1 Ç>\tΘ¢ ╟/ ï>/ Ç╜ \tAì╛ ■W┐ WÜvëì╛ Wï>/ èà PÜæëÜë┐ W╕ PÜÉë 1 / δ┤ì╛ W┐0 WÜvë┐ WÜë┐ W╕ PÜÉë┐ W╕ P 61 Üë┐ WÜ ëÜwë┐ W┐2 WÜfëu┐4 W┐ W╕ PÜÉ 
